Dear 2014

2 am, here we are,
See your face, hear my voice, in the dark

So, 2014.
It's almost midnight here: 11.43, to be exact. I started thinking about this year, and what it's been like for me.
I've fallen out of touch with Blogland over this year, and I know that. I had so much going on and real life was so daunting...
I started off the year as a little naïve. Over the last twelve months I've had ups and downs that make Space Mountain look like a kiddies carousel.
Life isn't easy: it's never perfect, because a life without troubles is a life without depth and meaning. And yes, this year has had its moments of darkness and despair. It's taken me places that I never wanted to go. But I'm better, stronger and wiser for having gone there.
So thank you, 2014. Because I was happy. Thank you for giving me new friends, and letting me see that not all my old friends can stay forever. Thank you for every laugh, every smile, every pinprick of light in the dark. You were a good year, 2014, not because you didn't have your shadows (you had more than your fair share of those) but because 'it's only a passing thing, this darkness; and even darkness must pass.'

2015, from where I'm standing, looks scary. (Okay, I tell a lie, it looks f***ing terrifying.) I'm entering Year 11: my first year of big exams. It's also the first year without my older brother at home, now that he's leaving for uni. It's the year of the semi-formal and life choices. I'm taking new subjects with new people, because old friends have left. I've got big school events and big me events. It looks daunting and terrifying and I'm pretty sure it'll rip me to shreds, but I can't wait.

It's 12.02, my friends, and 2014 is now preserved forevermore in history books. Welcome to 2015! I wonder who we'll be in a year's time.

Thanks for 2014 and good luck for next year. May it be a good one x

Love,
Saph

These are the times that we'll remember
Breaking the city's heart together
Finally, it's our time now...

Thank you.

-VERY EDITED VERSION (BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL WAS JUST THAT EMBARRASSING)-

This post is dedicated to a girl called Tashia for being amazing and helping me see things clearly again.

See, stuff's been happening over the past year. Good stuff and bad stuff, and although a lot of bad stuff has happened about 50% of it can be linked back to this one thing which has made my life a misery and is part of the reason I left Blogland for so long. Because it's hard to be me when I don't know who I am anymore, and this one thing kind of destroyed my identity.

But now, partially thanks to Tashia, it's over. And words cannot possibly describe how relieved that makes me. (Even Tashia doesn't know the full story, actually.)

But I get to be me again, and it's over and that's just the best and most indescribable feeling in the whole world. Which, apparently, made me into a raving lunatic. So sorry about that.

Scheherazade

Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake
and dress them in warm clothes again.
How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running
until they forget that they are horses.
It’s not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere,
it’s more like a song on a policeman’s radio,
how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days
were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple
to slice into pieces.
Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it’s noon, that means
we’re inconsolable.
Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
These, our bodies, possessed by light.
Tell me we’ll never get used to it.

Richard Siken