Stupid labels

Heh heh :) Just some stupid labels I found.

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Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (When am I supposed to dry my hair then? Definitely not when I'm awake. That's just stupid)

Bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion)

Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM OF THE BOX) Do not turn upside down. (A bit late)

Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts and out of the driving seat)

Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (I would hope!)

Toshiba laptop: Warning: do not microwave. (Microwaved laptop is my favourite food!)

Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

String of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)

Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: May contain nuts. (May?)

American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Does that mean Superman can't really fly? *Breaks down in tears*)

Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Why not? Let's test)

Toilet Plunger: Caution: Do not use near power lines. (You'd be surprised how many toilets there are around power lines)

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill. (It's worth a try...)

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (Really? I thought cats only go to the toilet right where you have to walk)

Baby Oil: Keep out of reach of children (Anyone else see some difficulties with that?)

Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping. (Om nom)(Wait, would that make the ice
cream awesome colours?!!!)

Wet-Nap: Directions: Open packet and use.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash; May contain foam. (Gee, I wonder where they got that idea from)

Bic Lighter; Ignite lighter away from face. (Why? Will I melt?)

Little Ones Baby Lotion: Keep away from children

Komatsu Floodlight; This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark.
Mattress; Warning: Do not attempt to swallow (Well, I suppose 'attempt' is the crucial word)

Earplugs; These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Matches; Caution: Contents may catch fire. (They should stop making flammable matches)

Pepper Spray; Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes

Rain Gauge; Suitable for outdoor use only. (Unless you have a really leaky ceiling)

RCA Television Remote Control; Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire

Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption (Even for Finnick Odair and Percy Jackson?)

Home Depot Treated Lumber; Do not consume

Road Sign Caution: water on road during rain. (Now there's a surprise)

Silk Soy Milk; Shake well and buy often (Such subtle advertising...)

Air Conditioner; Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioner out of windows.

Slush Puppy Cup; This ice may be cold

Nabisco Easy Cheese ;For best results, remove cap.

Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food

Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

Blanket from Taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado

Cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.

Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes.

Hair Dryer; Do not use in shower. (Tip; drying your hair whilst underwater is sort of pointless)

Hand-held Massaging Device; Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

A toilet at a public sports facility; Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking. (Eww...)

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists; Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter; Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.

Toner cartridge for a laser printer; Do not eat toner.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow; Not intended for highway use.

Can of self-defense pepper spray; May irritate eyes. (I really, really hope so)

Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock"; Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.

A frisbee Warning: May contain small parts.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush; Do not use orally.

A birthday card for a 1 year old; Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less. (Now that's just sad...)

Heated seat cushion; Warning: Do not use on eyes.

Electric Cattle Prod; For use on animals only. (My brother counts, right?)

Can of air freshener; For use by trained personnel only. (What kind of training do you need to spray aerosol?)

Silly Putty; Do not use as ear plugs.

Knife sharpening stone; Warning: knives are sharp! (Hopefully)

Rat Poison; Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Portable stroller; Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. (Ah, babies are pretty foldable.)

Sign at a railroad station; Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (*Dies of laughter*)

Package of dice; Not for human consumption.

Shipment of hammers; May be harmful if swallowed.

Manual for an SGI computer; Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-
workers. (You could damage the mouse!)

Box of bottle rockets; Do not put in mouth.

Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack; Remove plastic before eating.

Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean; Do not drive cars in ocean.

Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert; Always drive on roads. Not on people.

Bus Stop; No stopping or standing.

Credit card statement; Payment is due by the due date.

Laundromat triple washer; No small children. (But hey, they're so muddy, you can't actually see whether or not they're children)

Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11; Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Can of black pepper; Instructions: usage known.
Car Manual; In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. (Lock doors and then close them? :S Okay...)
Espresso Kettle; The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position.

T.V. manual; Do not pour liquids into your television set. (It makes Discovery Channel sound weird)

Label on a hammer; Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object

VCR box; Instructional video on hooking up VCR included.

Toilet brush; Do not use for personal hygiene.

Black rubber fishing worm; Not for human consumption.

Furniture Wipes; Do not use for a baby wipe.

Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet; This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision.

Lawnmower Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning (Dun dun duh-dun)

Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle; Do not open here. (Good idea! Why didn't I think of that?...)

Bottle of bathtub cleaner; For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

Container of lighter fluid; WARNING: Contents flammable!

Box of household nails; CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you remove the plastic and unfold it; Direction #1: Remove plastic.

Woolite carpet cleaner; Safe for carpets, too!

Box of Frosted Cheerio's The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just
underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."

Container of salt Warning: High in sodium

Hose Nozzle; Do not spray into electrical outlet